Emotional and Psychological Well-Being

Should I tell my kids I have cancer?

Absolutely! Talking with your children honestly and helping them show their emotions makes it easier for them to feel safe and secure. If you pretend that everything is fine, children may feel that they have to keep their feelings to themselves. They may feel afraid, confused, guilty or angry. Let your children know that their feelings are never wrong and that it's normal to feel one way one day and another way the next. Be supportive and open to their questions and concerns. Keep the lines of communication open and continue the hugs, love and support.

Tips to consider:

• Keep your child's age and maturity level in mind. What works for one child may not work for another.
• Describe what might happen to you physically during treatment, such as hair loss, fatigue, loss of appetite, etc.
• Try to keep a daily routine with your children. They can find comfort in this.
• Allow your children to participate in your care in an age-appropriate manner (e.g. get you a glass of water or a warm blanket).
• If you have more than one child, try to schedule one-on-one time for each of them. They might talk more about their fears or ask questions they are too shy to ask in front of others.
• Continue to show your children love and affection. Let them know that even with the changes in your life, your love for them has not changed.

Talking with young children

Young children may find it hard to adjust to a family member having cancer. This can be especially true if their routines get interrupted or if the person with cancer looks or acts differently or is in the hospital. Children may behave or act in different ways to get your attention. They may become clingy or refuse to leave your side.

Try to have your children help with day-to-day routines or give them small jobs to make them feel helpful (e.g. ask them to draw you pictures to hang up in your room). Try to keep your children's routines the same as before, if possible.

Talking with teenagers

Teenagers strive to be independent – and they may find it difficult to remain independent when someone in their family has cancer. You may find your teens reacting in different ways. They can become angry, act out, get into trouble or become withdrawn. Alternatively, you may find that they begin taking on more responsibility, offering more help and providing assurances of love.

You can support your teenage children by:

• encouraging them to continue doing the things they enjoy.
• making sure they are getting breaks from new responsibilities (e.g. by spending time with friends) to help prevent feelings of resentment.
• trying to get them to talk about their feelings.
• answering any questions they may have.
• trying to be patient with their behaviours and emotions.

Talking with adult children

Although your adult children may have children of their own and have adult responsibilities, they are still your children. They are used to having you take care of them, and it may be an adjustment to now take care of you. They may feel troubled by trying to cope with all of the responsibilities in their lives.

The following may help:

• include your adult children when talking about your treatment. Let them know your thoughts and wishes about your care.
• let them know how much they mean to you.
• express all your feelings - not just love, but anxiety, sadness and anger too.
• don't worry about saying the “wrong” thing - it's better to be honest about your feelings, rather than hide them.
• let them know they can talk to a doctor about the risks of them developing cancer, if they are worried.